Captain Hamilton and 'Learning by doing'

It was a fine day when Captain Hamilton set sail out of PR. The sun was shining, the wind was fair.

'Who spilled red wine all over my map?'' thundered Captain Hamilton, storming out of his cabin waving the offending document.

The crew looked at one another. Why oh why did they have the one captain whose only experience of Naval command was having read 'The Big Book of Sea Captains' (ages 4+)

As usual, it took a brave man to do the deed. The ships cat yawned and walked out from the shadows stretching luxuriously. 'What noeow?' he said in a gravely voice. 'I was dreaming of chasing French mice wearing Pirate colours up Spanish streets in German.'

Sitting at Hamilton's feet he did a small poop, and looked up. 'That large red blotch is not wine you fool. It means that right now, there is a very large chance that-'

''Ships! 3 of them, off the starboard bow'' Came the shout from on high.
'Ah! some action!..but wait..' Producing his telescope Captain Hamilton scanned the ships on the horizon. The colour drained from his face as he lowered the telescope. The first mate sidled up behind the Captain.

Without turning around Hamilton said 'drop the fish'. There was a slithering and a slap as the mate removed the offending creatures from under his arms. 'Mr mate there are three very very big ships over there. With lots of guns''
''Lots?''
''Lots. Their flag appears to be a large Pork Pie and some sort of small mammal.'' The captain produced 'The Big Book of Sea Captains' ''Im sure I remember seeing this before''.

He rifled through the book. ''Oh dear. Pirates.'' Snapping the book shut, Hamilton began to pace. ''Well, I mean, we are one and very small and they are three and very big. They wont bother with a small target like us... I mean we only have 21 guns'' His pacing increased. A small plume of smoke issued from his boots.

Remembering the previous encounter with the French, the first mate leapt to his Captains aid. 'Fear not my captain!' He gleefully cried mounting the top of the captains cabin and furiously making gestures at the closing ships. Nineteen 18lb cannon balls impacted and blew the majority of the cabin away, including the still gesturing first mate.

In keeping with tradition the ships crew formed at the prow and began singing in perfect welsh harmony. The ships cook distributed the last of the Rum as the captain lost another game of Mah Jong to the ships cat.

The cat leapt onto Captain Hamiltons shoulder as the ship began to list backwards into the sea. He pooped. 'What did we learn about red zones' purred the cat, as they slowly slid under the waves to a beautiful rendition of 'The Lily of The Valley'

It was a learning experience for Percy and his cat.